Monday, November 1, 2010

I’m an ungrateful brat. Really!

I asked for so many things from God. Big things. Small things. Not so big or small things. I either get them or I don’t. Weird thing is, I complain more often when I get it than when I do not.

Repeat after me: Jon is an ungrateful person [understatement!]. (Or maybe I’m just weird, whichever makes you happier) [or both]

For example, I asked God to break my heart for what breaks His, to see things as He sees them. He did. What I saw was truly heart-breaking. And I for a moment just went, why why why did I have to know, see all these things happening around me.

He answered. I wasn’t thankful. I wasn’t prepared, or so I thought.

But God enables us to be strong in the midst of trouble. He gives us only what we can bear, just almost, at any single time, with his help.

I could’ve went all depressed and moody; let the emotions run free; wallow about; complain more. But what good would that do to anyone? What good would that even do to me?

I could’ve went all cynical and skeptical about everyone; forever suspicious of others; having no faith. The question remains.

Not to say I feel great all the while. Who can? The occasional feelings of unworthy-ness, self-pity (I know, right), superiority yet at the same time inferiority (told you I’m weird >.>’), comes back. Old “comrades”; “allies”; the enemy and I are one and the same. Am I such a bad person to have such things? I’m starting to think I’m a perfectionist deep down >.>’.

But I will not indulge in them. As “nice” as it may be to do so, it’ll not make me feel better. It’s a slope of gradual descents. Of course, I will pass these feelings up to Christ. And they will bow to the lordship of Jesus. They do not control me; the reins are in my hands, and I pass them to Christ.

Ahem. Put simply: I’ve got Jesus, Jesus; He calls me for His own~ And He lifts me, lifts me, above the world I knoowww~~ :D

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